The Secret to a Happy Family

This week we were asked the question,"Are all cultures equally valid?" The first thing we had to do was define a few terms. The first of which was, "culture." Take a minute and think about how you would define culture? Is is more than just where you live? How does culture influence you individually? As a family? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary it is defined as, "the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place, or time" Therefore if we apply this to the family, culture is much more than what one family does; its what they think and believe as well. The next term we had to define was "valid." This one seemed to be more difficult that culture! Again, if we turn to Webster, it says,  " fair or reasonable; acceptable according to the law." This brought in another interesting aspect of validity... the Law... Well, where does the law come from? Who establishes the law? Isn't it all a matter of opinion? We established that there are two difference sets of laws: those of man and those of God. 

This is when going to a church university starts to becomes very personal and beneficial. We then discussed what God's law was, and if that law was applicable to everyone or just members of our faith? We talked a lot about The Family: A Proclamation to the World (for complete document see left margin). Since we were discussing the validity of family cultures, we thought it would be helpful to figure out what the purpose of the family really was. According to the Latter-Day Saint beliefs, we believe that the purposes of the family are 1) Protecting and raising children, 2) to help us to return back to Heavenly Father's (God's) presence, 3) Teach correct principles, 4) to be unified in this world to help bare one another's burdens. It was meant that families would be our support systems, our "go to" people, and just our comrades in this crazy world we call life. We also believe the following about families: 

"THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."

Although we, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, do not discriminate against those who choose to live other life styles, we will defend what we know to be right and true. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle of the Lord teaches us more on the topic of tolerance. He says, "Tolerance is defined as a friendly and fair attitude toward unfamiliar opinions and practices or toward the persons who hold or practice them." This does not mean that we embrace those cultures, but do/should try to do our best to be respectful to those who choose to live such lifestyles. Now, many may say that it is just our opinion about what we believe about God and his law. But these theories have been confirmed over and over again that are consistent to what the Lord has revealed to us today. I know that if we follow those laws that the Lord has set forth, we will have a much greater chance of having a happy family! 

Some may think that it is wrong or harsh or discrimination to go around telling people that this is the correct way of doing things. But, the way I see it is, I've experienced a lot of these things in my own personal life and has seen them work in the lives of others. I have seen the blessings of families who live in accordance with the Laws the Lord has put before us. Science has shown over and over again just how meaningful and accurate those Laws are. I tell you these things not because I feel that my religion is better than your's, or that my way is more superior, but that I know how much happiness it can bring and I feel a great need to tell the world of this so called secret to a happy family life. I hope those of you who also have this knowledge will find the courage and seek out the opportunities to share the knowledge that you have, so that other families can be blessed with the same happiness you have felt in your own families. 

Good luck! And until next time ;)
Renee

Why do families work the way they do?

This past week we have talked a great deal about several different theories. I will never forget how Brother Williams taught these theories to us! I felt like a little kid! It was awesome! He had us put our hands in the air and mimic everything he did. Wow! I felt kinda dumb doing it at first, but now I am so grateful for it! By the end of this post, you might begin to recognize the presence of some of these theories in your own families! If you do, I would love to hear about it!

When I explain these theories, I will be applying them to the family unit specifically. These theories can be used for other groups but since my main focus is the family, that what I will be relating it to. The first theory we talked about was called the Family Systems theory. I like to think of this theory as like a complex machine with many different parts; the machine representing the family unit and the parts representing each member within that family. When one of the parts malfunctions, the whole machine can be affected. I have seen this with many families that I have been able to be around. What each person does in the family affects the family unit as a whole. Sound familiar to anyone? Ever had a child act out and then suddenly the whole family seems to be on edge? I most certainly have. Things to watch out for with this kind of family system is that coalitions often form and many times, unhealthy patterns will be passed down through generations. And what appears to be an individual's problem may be a problem arising out the family system.

The next theory often quotes, "You owe me one." It is called the exchange theory. Can you guess what this theory is about? That's right. Basically its the cost vs benefit theory. When this theory was first presented, I thought it was such a selfish theory. I thought, "Who would ever voluntarily being such a family system? I would hate having the feeling that I am keeping score against my family members." Now for those who know me pretty well, know that I am a fairly competitive person. I like to win. It's in my blood. But when it comes to relationships, I fully believe there are healthier ways to go about things. Life, especially within a family, should not be a competition. So after all that running through my head, I went to class, only to find that I did do this; not exactly the way I thought though. See, I love to give! Whether it be my time, a love note/letter, a gift, a hug, anything I can really, I just love to give. But what didn't realize before is that I would do those things because I loved that person and I wanted either 1) approval or 2) love in return from that person. I learned that with this system, that "give" is not always equivalent in the "take" when it comes to a dollar amount or the same action being reciprocated. Rather, each of us love and receive love differently and this theory is all about living in a balance.

The next one I found absolutely fascinating! It is called the Symbolic Interaction theory. In this theory we find that everything we do has a meaning. For example, the tone of your mothers voice when she said your name because she was proud of you, verses the tone of her voice when you forgot to pick up your little sister from basketball. :S Yeah big difference right? Well have you ever been in those situations where someone just did something and they didn't ask you first, and you didn't want them to whatever it was they did? What did you think about that person after? Well what if that person did it because they thought that you needed something else. They were thinking they did it to show love and you were thinking they did it because they didn't think you were capable of getting it done. There in-lies the problem. That phrase "actions speak louder than words" brings in so much conflict into relationships. Thus it is so important to speak with that person and understand why they did what they did. Were they really trying to sabotage your plans? Or were they thinking about your safety and well being? Next time someone does something that ruffles your feathers, I would invite you to investigate more into their reasoning before you get your panties in a wad.

The last one is called the Conflict theory. Bare with me, this one I am still trying to wrap around my brain, and its just not sticking the way I need it to just yet. But I think we can all agree that each of us are our own persons. We have our own wants, needs, and interests that need to be satisfied but there are limited sources out there. So the question with theory is that since we all have different interests, how will we distribute the resources we do have. Resources things other than just money such as time. This also deals with power struggle. Now since I am one to withdraw from conflict, I have a harder time relating to this theory and coming up with a good example. Sorry folks.

So now you are probably asking yourself, "Why did you just waste 10 min of my life to read this?" Well, my theory is that if you can recognize just one unhealthy pattern that is happening in your family, you can be more consciously aware of that and be able to find a way to change that. I know I won't be able to change the world, but helping families is a great alternative. Happy Changing!  bis nächste Woche!

Gay and Lesbian Debate

I feel somewhat like Mormon, when he says that he can’t write even a 100^th part of the things that are written. There really is so much that I have learned this past week that I could babble on for hours but I will spare you the details and try to share the key points that would be meaningful and worthwhile for you!

I want to start first of all talking about what I learned last Friday. The topic of the class was about the Supreme Court cases that were held this past year. The first was about Proposition 8. For those who do not know what that is, it simply states the following, “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” Despite the fact that this proposition had been passed not once by Californians, but TWICE, the Supreme Court decided to hear the case. It was a gay couple versus some organizations that were in favor of Prop 8. Well, the cases were presented and the Supreme Court Justices basically all agreed that the most important factor in approving homosexual relationships would be to determine the affects the relationship would have on the children.  Their main source of evidence/research content was an official brief published by the American Psychological Association (APA) in 2005 that claimed, “Not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents.” Quite a lofty claim. How many of you agree with that statement? How many of you disagree? The Supreme Court’s decision was that the matter was a state issue and that it was the governor’s choice to enforce the law or not. Sadly enough, Governor Brown, is choosing not to enforce this law.

In response to the APA brief, a man named Loren Marks, Ph.D. CFLE (Certified Family Life Educator), wrote his analysis of the brief presented as proof that homosexual relationships are the same as heterosexual relationships when it comes to raising children. In our class we were required to read his lengthy, yet well informing, article entitled “Same-sex parenting and children’s outcomes: A closer examination of the American psychological association’s brief on lesbian and gay parenting.” Marks makes very valid points about the flaws in the research that was conducted, on which the APA brief was based, including that (1) There was only one man conducting the study and his research appears not to have been peer reviewed, (2) Most of the homosexual relationships were being compared to families comprising mostly of single-parent (mostly single-white women) homes and (3) Many of the research didn't even study the effects on children. Now I’m not saying the Supreme Court justices are uneducated but isn't it important to first not only look at the research but how it was collected but what exactly the data is saying/suggesting, instead of taking one professional’s word for it? Since when do scientists take someone’s word for it? No! You need multiple experiments with the same results before you can make that official of a claim…

Are you bored yet? :D I’m just getting started!

The second case that was presented to the Supreme Court was about the Defense of Marriage Act or DOMA, which basically states that the US government will only consider marriage to be between a man and a woman and that the government will protect marriage between a man and a woman (To view the official document click here). And since it is an official documented act, it is the responsibility of the President to be the CEO and make sure that the laws of the land are being carried out. Well, can you guess what happened? Obama, didn't want to defend that statement. How can you just say no to the law? You were sworn in as president of the United States and swore to protect the people and respect their voices. Hence we are called a DEMOCRACY! Gay and lesbians make up 0.6% of the population yet their voice gets heard over the rest of the 68% of traditional (ma and pa) households (US Census Bureau, 2010). Is there something wrong with this picture?

You can bet I was pretty fired up about politics after that class…

The question now becomes, “Where do I stand?” and  “Will I act and defend what I believe? Or will I sit around, waiting to be acted upon?” The choice is yours.

“Each of us must take the responsibility for the moral decisions we make in life about how close we live to the edge. Lehi states: “And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon.” (2 Nephi 2:26) Being acted upon means somebody else is pulling the strings.” James E. Faust, Oct, 1995. 

Introduction

This blog is initially for my family class where we are discussing the challenges families face in today's society and what impact the family has on society and vise versa. Please feel free to comment on anything you see here; like it, dislike it, ask questions, etc. and I will do my best to respond. The family is under attack from so many different directions and my goal with this blog is to inform others of the things that I found to be profound and essential for everyone to know so that they can draw their own conclusions about the family vs. society battle that is going on in our day.