This past week we have talked a great deal about several different theories. I will never forget how Brother Williams taught these theories to us! I felt like a little kid! It was awesome! He had us put our hands in the air and mimic everything he did. Wow! I felt kinda dumb doing it at first, but now I am so grateful for it! By the end of this post, you might begin to recognize the presence of some of these theories in your own families! If you do, I would love to hear about it!
When I explain these theories, I will be applying them to the family unit specifically. These theories can be used for other groups but since my main focus is the family, that what I will be relating it to. The first theory we talked about was called the Family Systems theory. I like to think of this theory as like a complex machine with many different parts; the machine representing the family unit and the parts representing each member within that family. When one of the parts malfunctions, the whole machine can be affected. I have seen this with many families that I have been able to be around. What each person does in the family affects the family unit as a whole. Sound familiar to anyone? Ever had a child act out and then suddenly the whole family seems to be on edge? I most certainly have. Things to watch out for with this kind of family system is that coalitions often form and many times, unhealthy patterns will be passed down through generations. And what appears to be an individual's problem may be a problem arising out the family system.
The next theory often quotes, "You owe me one." It is called the exchange theory. Can you guess what this theory is about? That's right. Basically its the cost vs benefit theory. When this theory was first presented, I thought it was such a selfish theory. I thought, "Who would ever voluntarily being such a family system? I would hate having the feeling that I am keeping score against my family members." Now for those who know me pretty well, know that I am a fairly competitive person. I like to win. It's in my blood. But when it comes to relationships, I fully believe there are healthier ways to go about things. Life, especially within a family, should not be a competition. So after all that running through my head, I went to class, only to find that I did do this; not exactly the way I thought though. See, I love to give! Whether it be my time, a love note/letter, a gift, a hug, anything I can really, I just love to give. But what didn't realize before is that I would do those things because I loved that person and I wanted either 1) approval or 2) love in return from that person. I learned that with this system, that "give" is not always equivalent in the "take" when it comes to a dollar amount or the same action being reciprocated. Rather, each of us love and receive love differently and this theory is all about living in a balance.
The next one I found absolutely fascinating! It is called the Symbolic Interaction theory. In this theory we find that everything we do has a meaning. For example, the tone of your mothers voice when she said your name because she was proud of you, verses the tone of her voice when you forgot to pick up your little sister from basketball. :S Yeah big difference right? Well have you ever been in those situations where someone just did something and they didn't ask you first, and you didn't want them to whatever it was they did? What did you think about that person after? Well what if that person did it because they thought that you needed something else. They were thinking they did it to show love and you were thinking they did it because they didn't think you were capable of getting it done. There in-lies the problem. That phrase "actions speak louder than words" brings in so much conflict into relationships. Thus it is so important to speak with that person and understand why they did what they did. Were they really trying to sabotage your plans? Or were they thinking about your safety and well being? Next time someone does something that ruffles your feathers, I would invite you to investigate more into their reasoning before you get your panties in a wad.
The last one is called the Conflict theory. Bare with me, this one I am still trying to wrap around my brain, and its just not sticking the way I need it to just yet. But I think we can all agree that each of us are our own persons. We have our own wants, needs, and interests that need to be satisfied but there are limited sources out there. So the question with theory is that since we all have different interests, how will we distribute the resources we do have. Resources things other than just money such as time. This also deals with power struggle. Now since I am one to withdraw from conflict, I have a harder time relating to this theory and coming up with a good example. Sorry folks.
So now you are probably asking yourself, "Why did you just waste 10 min of my life to read this?" Well, my theory is that if you can recognize just one unhealthy pattern that is happening in your family, you can be more consciously aware of that and be able to find a way to change that. I know I won't be able to change the world, but helping families is a great alternative. Happy Changing! bis nächste Woche!
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