Divorce

Hello there! I know I've kind of been slackin on here... life as a college student is just crazy at times! That's all I have to say! This past week in class we talked about Divorce and Remarriage. For this post, I am going to do something a little different. I am just going to share some random facts that I found particularly interesting this week, and expound upon a few of them.

The first is this: it is more often than not, that the woman is the one that will go seeking a divorce. Keeping that in mind lets look at a statistic shall we?

2 years after a divorce 70% of couples say not only that they could have saved the marriage but that they should have saved the marriage

2 years after a divorce 70% of those men get remarried

Men typically don't want the divorce and so they seem to long for that companionship. When those men get married, their ex-wives often regret their divorce and wished that they would have stuck with it. 

Next, people can get divorce, but they can never get "unmarried." What do I mean by that? Well, when you marry someone, it is more than just a legal document. You loved that person. There were several emotions involved. You had sexual relations with that person which often leads to having children with that person. They were your first true love; the one that make a commitment to be by your side, at LEAST until death. Those experiences, the "firsts," will never be firsts again. Those memories cannot be erased. So although you have a legal document that says you are no longer married, you are never really truly "unmarried" to that person. 

More often than not, most people think that money is the leading cause of divorce. If you ask an attorney of law, they will tell you that 80% of divorces are because of money. Psychologist will say between 70-75%. And marriage and family therapist will tell you that it is about 30%. 

Rumor also has it that another leading cause of divorce is miscommunication. Let me assure you, people who get divorce do NOT have a problem communicating! However, they may have a hard time seeing one another's perspectives. The problem comes when we are blaming one another, instead of explaining how we feel. 

o   Blame à defensivenesso   Pain (no blame) à compassion

When we blame out spouse, the natural response is to get defend ourselves. When we use "I" statements to express our thoughts and feelings, there is a spirit of compassion that is brought into the relationship. So keep that in mind the next time you try communicating how you really feel with your spouse. 

The last thing I wanted to mention was the difference between a contract and a covenant. Since the beginning of time, marriage was always seen as a covenant. God set the terms and the man and woman agreed to accept those terms. In fairly recent years, marriage has become very much a contract. A "I agree to do this if you do this" way of thinking. However a marriage contract is the only contract that can be dissolved by one party. Think about it. If you sign a contract to stay in an apt for 6 months and you decide that after 3 months, it's not really working for you, you can't just stop paying rent and move out? You are bound by that contract. In a marriage contract however, if either party wants out, it's only a matter of a few signatures and it is over.

Marriage needs to be taken more seriously. It should be a covenant, not a contract. We should learn how to learn inward before we start pointing fingers. And we should love for the sake of loving. Don't ever fall in love. Do it on purpose! That way there is no possible way you can fall out of love. 

Have a great day! Until next time ;)

Renee