Effective communication

This week we talked about how we communicate nearly waking hour of our day. As you may have heard, the majority of our communication is not through the words we say. In fact the latest research suggest that as little as 14% of our communication has to do with the words that we actually say. Have you ever heard that "It's not in what you say but how you say it?" Well that is also true! It is more that double the affect of the words alone. A total of about 35% of our communication depends on our tone. So that means the left over 51% depends on what we call "non-verbal" communication. Something to think about the next time you try to tell someone you love that you love them, or when you try to "make things right" with someone you may have hurt. Often we get caught up in our emotions that we just say things in the moment and we aren't even discussing the real issue at hand. So how can we prevent those heated arguments that we find out later are really just a simple miscommunication? First of all, pay attention to how you react in the situation. Pay more attention to the words more than to the way they were said, and repeat back to the person what you understood them to say. DON'T PUT WORDS INTO THEIR MOUTH! Simply restate what you understood. This is known as being an empathic listener. It can save one from many of the heartaches that come from those "heated" debates within any relationship.

The other thing that I found very interesting was our discussion on sarcasm. I probably took so much interest in this subject because I love sarcasm. Along with nearly all of my roommates. You only imagine their faces when I came home and told them how sarcasm is a form of corrupt communication. So when I tried to explain to them what I meant by that, it quickly became a sarcastically heated debate :) And still is... So before you tune out, roll your eyes and say, "yeah, yeah..." give me a chance to explain...

I want to first share a quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) where he identified the damage that sarcasm inflicts on our relationships:

“Everywhere is heard the snide remark, the sarcastic gibe, the cutting down of associates. Sadly, these are too often the essence of our conversation. In our homes, wives weep and children finally give up under the barrage of criticism leveled by husbands and fathers. Criticism is the forerunner of divorce, the cultivator of rebellion, sometimes a catalyst that leads to failure. …

“I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.”

We also talked about a scripture in Ephesians 4 but before I do, I need to define three different terms. 

Corrupt: not true to itself; inconsistent; no longer in good form (impure)

Edify: to build in an upward direction

Grace:  to give someone something that they don’t necessarily deserve

Keeping those in mind, lets look at Eph. 4: 29

29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

I have never heard of a sarcastic comment be uplifting. Have you?  Now, I know that not all sarcasm is used to degrade someone intentionally, but what is said and what is interpreted can sometimes be two completely different things. All you sarcastic people out there, have you ever said something and it was taken the complete wrong way? I know I have... I have had to explain myself many many times, to show people that I was "just kidding" or "I didn't mean it like that." After my class, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it just be easier and more effective to not have the habit of making smart alike comments and being sarcastic in the first place?" 

So my challenge to you this week is to think twice before you say something. And not only to think twice about what you're saying, but how you're saying it. People may think you are really slow at first, but once you get the hang of it and practice it, just like with everything else, it will get easier with time. 

I hope you all enjoy this upcoming week that is full of family, food, and football! And may we always strive to be just a little kinder to one another, and make the world smile, one person at a time! 

Until next time, 

Renee ;)