According to today's society, aka what is on all the television shows, when a woman is pregnant, she is "allowed" to boss other people around because her hormones are running wild and is miserable. Take "Father of the Bride 2" for example. Do you remember the scene where the two pregnant are sitting on the couch and the dad/husband is running ragged to try to get everything they need! If you have forgotten, it's in the video clip below.
So there are a few things that I noticed when I watched this particular clip. Maybe you did too? First of all, where is the daughter's husband? Would it not be important for him to be there when his brand new baby arrives? Also, did you notice the relationship between the mother and daughter? Now, to the normal person, that seems totally natural. Well so does cohabitation, pre-marital sex, and homosexual relationships. But are we wanting to live like the "natural man?"
Now what if I were to tell you that overcoming the natural man does not only have to do with overcoming temptations, but also letting go of the things of the world in exchange for something divine. We are all divine beings, no matter who you are. We are all offspring of a divine being we lovely call our Heavenly Father. So what does that mean? What does being a child of God mean to you? Just think about it.
There are some important things that I want to share about going through the pregnant process in a different way; a divine way. First let me explain a few things that men often tend to feel during pregnancy. A typical man during his wife's pregnancy feels a wide range of emotions. He is excited for the new addition, worried about how he can support his family, works hard to provide and tend to his wife's every need, and quite often feels unappreciated. The mother is often so consumed in her experience that is happening within her, that she doesn't give her husband as much attention as she did before. She will also become closer with her own mother; calling her for advise, asking questions, and sharing all the "precious moments" with her, as well as accompanying her to her doctor appointments. As a result, the man feels "left out" in a way, and withdraws, and it is then interpreted by the woman that he doesn't care about the baby. When it is time for delivery, it is often the mother there coaching, holding her daughter's hand, and helping her through while the husband stands off in the distance observing the event instead of participating on center stage. All this would be considered the "natural" way. But we aren't seeking to be natural, we are seeking to be divine. So what does a divine pregnancy look like?
Woman, it is extremely important for your husband to be involved. Over come this desire to turn to your mother for everything. You husband should be the one there at your doctor appointments. Men, stay involved. Take time out of your day to go to these appointments. As best you can, share every little experience. As we talked about last week about RAM, we still need to continue in all those areas (know, trust, rely, commit, touch). If we ignore, for example touch, the possiblity of creating a wedge in the relationship becomes greater. It is important to have this experience be "our" experience and not just a "her" experience. When it comes to delivery, husbands be there by her side. She is putting everything on the line to bring a child into this world. What a great miracle that you have a chance to be a part of. Don't miss it!
Now, I would really like to hear from you this week. Especially those of you who have gone through the pregnancy process. What did you do to strengthen your relationship with your spouse during pregnancy? What things did your spouse appreciate? How did your relationship change when you brought children into your lives? I would love to hear from you!
Have a great week!
Until next time
Renee ;)
I don't really know what exactly I did to strengthen our relationship when I was pregnant but I do know that I have a very understanding husband. For me, all those extra hormones were overwhelming, I had crazy mood swings and sometimes was overly grumpy when I was hungry or tired. I think Nathan's constant endurance of everything and patience drew us closer. He understood my body was changing and was excited to be apart of it, as crazy as it was. He only came to two DR appts because most were boring and unnecessary for him to be there, but he has there for both ultrasounds, seeing the baby for the first time and finding out we were having a girl. Those moments were so surreal, to look at the monitor and then at each other, and realize we were actually going to be parents. He was still involved though when the actual birth took place, he held my leg and helped me push and even got to cut the umbililal cord. Even though my Mom was involved with things like helping me nurse, she as well as Nathan and I knew that we were the parents, we were the new family and there was respectful distance. I think the difference is that our church focuses on cleaving unto your spouse and since we all had an understanding of that no ones feelings were hurt and Nathan and I were able to figure out how to be parents on our own. I think that also helped us grow closer to each other by each learning how to be a parent at the same time, we could help each other.
ReplyDeleteGreat post with lots of interesting ideas! One of my things that I have learned from Brother Williams is the truth that in this life we should always strive "for the divine." If we seek after the things in this life which are of true value we will find happiness. You discussed the importance of clear boundaries between expectant mothers and their mothers. In what ways could these new mothers put themselves at a disadvantage if they choose to cling to their mother as opposed to their spouse? What are some specific ways in which husbands can provide unique comfort to their expectant wives? Elder Neil L. Andersen has given the beautiful thought that,"It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God." How does this statement reinforce the importance of husbands and wives clinging to one another through all stages of creating and raising children?
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