Family Crises

This week has been rather emotionally challenging. Last week I had a few decent sized "gashes" in my spirit as I have experienced death of a loved one as well as the sudden loss of a brother of a dear friend of mine. I found it rather ironic that this week we talked about family crisis in class, most of which were dealing with coping with the loss of loved ones. Though it felt like hydrogen peroxide on my newly acquired wounds, it was a good part of the healing process. I wanted to talk a little bit today about how crises, such as death in the family, can be a way for us to grow closer to one another.
The first thing I want to show you is the Chinese word for Crisis:

As you can see it is a combination of the words "danger" and "opportunity." Interesting huh? The first question was an opportunity for what? What things would come as a result of a crisis? Well, there would be an opportunity for learning; for growth. Growth emotionally, sometimes physically, as well as spiritually. What a neat concept that though there may be danger (potential for pain), there is also an opportunity. 

The next thing that I found really interesting is the definition of crisis. There is actually not a set "definition" or a "list" of crisis. The reason for that is that what might be a crisis for one family, may not be a crisis for another family. We learned about a model for crisis called the ABCX model ("Marriage and Family: the quest for intimacy by Lauer and Lauer). It works like this:

A: Actual event
B: Both resources and applying those resources – when a family goes through a crisis they have different resources such as extended family, past experiences

C: Cognitions – the thought process

X: Total eXperience

"For example, let us say that two families, the Smiths and the Joneses, face the stressor of unemployment

Smiths:

A= unemployment

C= define situation as undesirable but also as a challenge

B= they decide that each family member will try to find work and will do something to save money

X= The interaction of these three produces no serious crisis for them

Joneses:

A= unemployment

C= define their situation as a disaster

B= they expect the father to find a new job immediately and to do something to avoid any serious change in their lifestyle

X= the interaction of these three is a crisis"

What was the difference? The way that they reacted to the situation. One family was willing to change and help one another while the other relied completely on the father. What a stressful situation for Mr. Jones! While the Joneses are busy pointing figures and shoving the responsibility solely onto the father, the Smiths are experiencing something unifying. Which do you think are the most happy? My money would be on the Smith family. 

Crises requires change; sometimes in family structure, sometimes in our roles in the family, other times it necessitates other physical, spiritual or emotional changes. But I know that if we can be strong enough, and humble enough to make those changes, we can learn so many things the Lord would have us learn. Everything happens for a reason. I am convinced of that more and more each day. May the Lord bless you as you do your best to over come the challenges you are facing and that they won't become crises in this life, but you can look at these challenges as an opportunity to become more like our Father in Heaven. Have a great week!

Until next week,
Renee ;)